storm clouds

 
Truth be told, things have been a bit of a struggle of late. I've been struggling to accept how things are to accept myself and what I'm facing, this current relapse.

Knitting helps unravel my anxieties. Spinning helps quieten my racing mind. He helps in every way he can think.

But despite these, it's hard to not get downtrodden. To wonder when my life will actually begin...

In those quiet moments, sometimes I wonder, when?

All around me, dear friends are getting engaged, starting new jobs, developing their careers, becoming mothers, preparing for marriage. No matter how hard I try, sometimes it's hard to feel genuine happiness for them as their lives progress and their opportunities widen because it feels as if my own life has ground to a sickening halt.

But whilst I cry over the loss of my livelihood, chances of a "proper" career, the absence of babies, it's easy to forget amid all my suffering that my dear friends around me also have their own struggles. Whilst they might not have suffered the loss of job, the indignity of having to be taken to the bathroom by their boyfriends, in my own way, they face their own storms.

Loosing a beloved parent to aggressive cancer or a failing heart. Living half-way across the world from a husband because of over-strict immigration rules. Waking up one morning to realise they are stuck in the rate race. Having to cope with long-term unemployment despite having a top degree from a top university. Having to face the prospect of long-term single-hood.

Yes, they do not know my struggles intimately....but then, I don't know their suffering either.

But what I do know if this. My own life would be much more empty and harder to bear were I to cut myself off from those friends...

At least together, we can help one another brave our own particular storm clouds.